My Utopia

work

2005-07-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

Having training in SGX nowadays, 9-5, damn tired =\ In case anyone doesn't know, SGX = Singapore Exchange (aka hotspot for stocks and shares). Learning lotsa stuffs about how stocks work, quite amazing! Too tiring though, to take a bus from and to Shenton everyday. Imagine life like this for another 40 years? I won't call that life anymore, more like survival. But, God rewards the honest, the hardworking and the faithful ones. :)

bah

2005-07-10T12:49:00.000+08:00

blog template is screwed up, don't feel like blogging.

incoherent

2005-06-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

tired! recently trying to do too many different things like doing resume, browsing for jobs, going for interviews, doing temp work, catching up with frds, arranging outing, catching my fav. tv shows, playing PT & Xbox ... attempting to auction off my Xbox, reading forums for 750i info, meeting bei ... bla bla bla~

incoherent. i think thats how I sound at interviews. somehow, whenever i'm being interviewed, i kinda get glazy-eyed and stony. my mind stops working and i start getting nervous, sounding incoherent and everything comes out like rojak. i dun even know what i'm really trying to say at that moment?!?! i hate interviews >:( Weird questions seem to be the norm for every interview. "So, how do you take note of your daily routines?" What kinda crap question is that!! The truth is, i sometimes write them down, sometimes store in my neural HDD, sometimes i make little program sheets. but in the whirling tornado, i mean interview, i only mentioned writing them down in some organiser. screwed :O and this, for a lousy paying contract job! i bet the next time i go for an interview for a perm position, there'll probably be like 5 war machines ready to blast a hole through my heart any moment, a panel of interviewers carrying auto-machine guns and hmm, that poisonous cup of water they love to offer their victims.

little bird wootie

2005-06-20T00:06:00.000+08:00

little bird wootie
chirped sadly.
sighing at the view,
of the vast outside.

wistfully it sighs,
poor little bird wootie...

one fine ironic dawn,
little bird wootie awoken
to a shattered jail.

little bird wootie
shut its eyes,
and sped away,
into the gloomy skies.

when little bird wootie
opened its eyes,
it cried.
the vast outside
was quite,
like the dull inside,
only larger to hold
greater evils.

poor little bird wootie...

my eyes see, from the top

2005-06-17T01:55:00.000+08:00

Just a simple something written for fun, or so i think :P

i'm a perfectionist
which means,
there is nothing
ever good enough,
which also means,
happiness is rarely mine.

i see the world from above,
while the others see eye to eye.
i feel the pain from their sins,
they sin to feel the joy they desire.

i can peel my coat off,
one by one.
show the scars from this pain
that no one understands
will i be me to you,
still?
will the world sigh or scorn?

remove me from this heart,
that scorches me deep,
that thinks to itself,
despite of me.
but without this pain,
there is no me,
or does the world prefer,

a puppet show?

crash

2005-06-13T02:34:00.000+08:00

wow, this film, I'm gonna watch ...
not to mention, hotel rwanda guy is in it!
sorry children, its RA :P

crash

Taken from GV review:
A Brentwood housewife and her DA husband. A Persian store owner. Two police detectives who are also lovers. A black television director and his wife. A Mexican locksmith. Two car-jackers. A rookie cop. A middle-aged Korean couple.

They all live in Los Angeles. And in the next 36 hours, they will all collide...

A provocative, unflinching look at the complexities of racial conflict in America, CRASH is that rare cinematic event - a film that challenges audiences to question their own prejudices. Diving headlong into the diverse melting pot of post-9/11 Los Angeles, this compelling urban drama tracks the volatile intersections of a multi-ethnic cast, examining fear and bigotry from multiple perspectives as characters careen in and out of one another's lives. No one is safe in the battle zones of racial strife. And no one is immune to the simmering rage that sparks violence - and changes lives... Funny, powerful, and always unpredictable, CRASH boldly explores the gray area between black and white, victim and aggressor...and finds no easy solutions.

age of renaissance

2005-06-05T01:33:00.000+08:00

This is a turning point of my life. Somehow, it feels strange, sort of hollow inside within me. What kind of changes will I make to adjust to the new environment? I remember how it used to be frightening yet anticipating, when a year has passed and there was going to be a new class, new friends, new subjects. This is much more serious though, there's no one to make decisions for me anymore. It used to a rolling ball with walls on both sides restricting its movement. Now, there's no barriers nor guides.

Maybe we humans are no different from the machines we build ourselves. We like machines, need an Operating System. Something that provides meaning to our existence, a purpose we are useful for. At this moment, for me, its like having to decide which OS I want to install.

In fact its more than just the transition to a working environment. It is life, the whole big picture that needs proper scrutiny.

Who do I want to be?
What do I want for me?
How do I want to see?
Do I want to be free?

It is the direction that is vital in this fragile period of time. Make or break. It feels old to think this way, but maybe I am? Everything is hanging by a thread now and I am the puppet master this time. Everytime when it seems too difficult, I keep telling myself "Just Do It". Don't hesitate, don't comtemplate, don't look back, don't look around even, just eye the prize and run the mile. Thanks to Nike's slogan, I've accomplished many things in life that I wouldn't have had because of my lack of determination & motivation. Haha :P A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Right now, the only thing I wish to do is to sit at a beach, watch the calming waves and hear their monotonous repetitive slushes.

Parking Game

2005-05-31T18:40:00.000+08:00

This flash Parking Game is damn addictive ~_~

click

for bei :)

2005-05-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

Access msn from net : http://webmessenger.msn.com/
Communication o.o : www.maxis.com.my
Web sms to Maxis lines : http://websms.maxis.com.my/index.jsp
Web sms to Singtel :D : http://home.singtel.com/consumer/msg_center/internet_sms.asp

miss bei :P

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

2005-05-28T23:28:00.000+08:00

2 June 2005 opening day.
Ok I'm desperate lol, but is anyone interested to go watch it with me?

byebye kiki :(

2005-05-26T01:07:00.000+08:00

kiki is bei's hamster, supposedly dead now coz' she got sick & bei's mama threw her away. To be honest, I'm not so good at handling pets. I'm kinda scared of dogs lol, cats I don't dare to touch too. And hamsters ... well, I find them too 'fragile', their claws creepy and I'm, erm afraid of their bites >_<''

But during those days of visiting bei in hostel, I've had plenty of time watching kiki & lala run, sleep and even performing backflips in their pinky cage. Somehow, I've grown an affection for them? Even tho' I'm really a non-pet person. Maybe its becoz' of the tough period of time, that I found solace in watching these silly hamus skitter around. I love them, coz' they're so cute! Silly kiki tho' seems to be well ... the more 'silly' one :P She always would stand on her hind feet ... then twirl 360 degrees and fall. So silly! Sighs.

Well, kiki is gone now. It makes me sad when I think about it. It makes me feel sad for lala coz' she will feel lonely now, won't she? kiki's just a hamu, not mine even ... why am I sad? I dunno. I try to analyse myself but I can't find the reason. I know there is, yet its so difficult to comprehend. Times like this, I realise I don't fully understand myself. But for kiki .. I'm contented with what I feel. I do miss her & her silly backflips ... byebye silly hamu, I won't get to feed you anymore ...

To oth or not to oth?

2005-05-23T11:59:00.000+08:00

T_T Just found out that I have wisdom tooth that needs plucking and an infected tooth that needs saving, which costs $1.1k to save T_T Shd I save it or have it plucked? Plucked = less $ spent but horrid feeling at the back of my mouth T_T

Boys and girls, remember to visit the dentist for regularly cleaning, else land up like me T_T

FA Cup loss

2005-05-22T02:59:00.000+08:00

Man Utd ... once again, failed to convert a series of chances. But looking at the way they played the match, I can safely say they deserved to win. It was almost like the previous battle which ended 4-2 in MU's favour when they completely outplayed Arsenal. Well, what to do? I'm happy at least, knowing MU played extremely well today. Arsenal, they can gloat and celebrate all they want, they know how shitty they played hah! :P Looking forward to next season~ Meanwhile, my prediction for the AC Milan VS Liverpool match is 2-1 to Milan. Pardon to all Poo fans, I respect Poo's fantastic history but now, they're a crap team to me. What better place to run out of their European luck than the Champs League Final? :D

transparent

2005-05-18T02:24:00.000+08:00

anyone loves David Copperfield's disappearing acts?

canoodle

2005-05-11T02:40:00.000+08:00

lol this is the cutest word to describe erm, 'fun'
i love my candy :D

*u know there is something wrong with me when I blog 3 times in a day. Yes I'm sick -_-

weak & sick ~_~

2005-05-10T14:02:00.000+08:00

37.2 degrees, i think thats still alright? But my nose is giving me such a hard time & I feel lethargic. Whenever the weather changes suddenly, my body somehow becomes out of sorts. Feel like sleeping till' tml ~_~ Tonight 3am there's Man Utd vs Chelsea , or is it tml night? The time zone thing makes me so confused. Going to catch it anyhow!

*edited: 5:37pm - just woke up from nap, took temperature -> 38.2 degrees :O

10 May updates

2005-05-10T01:38:00.000+08:00

Falling sick I think, runny nose that feels all heated up inside. PC seems fine these 2 days, no stupid random & frequent reboots, but i doubt this bliss will last ~_~ Feel lost, a bit brain dead, issit due to my falling sick? Feel a lil' lonely recently too, but thank god for television :P

My room is dim, so am I, it having weak bulbs, me having little wits. I've been feeling stupid, I think I am becoming more and more so. Am I turning senile already, at the age of 24?!?! Honestly, I've been finding myself slower in thinking & analysing. I really fear the illness of old creeping up on me. I already have hearing and seeing problems, I have frequent toothaches, weak teeth that can't bite anything hard. My hands are shaky at times, I am spotting wrinkles ... toe hurts like hell when it hits something not even very hard. My back aches badly every single day ...

At least I have Michael Buble to listen to, to sway me gently so it all will go away, even if for a short moment.

want-to-watch list!

2005-05-07T11:51:00.000+08:00

These is the list of movies I want to catch, hopefully! The asterisks represent how much I want to watch them, hehe :P

Kingdom of Heaven [***]
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith - 19 May 05 [*****]
Madagascar - 27 May 05 [***]
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - 2 June 05 [*****]
Batman Begins - 16 June 05 [***]
War of the Worlds - 29 June 05 [****] Got Tom Cruise ok :P

Maybe List
The Island - 4 Aug 05 [***] Ewan Mcgregor & Scarlett Johansson :O
Fantastic Four - 7 July 05 [***]
Mr and Mrs Smith - 9 June 05 [***] Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie *-* killer combo!

'Hitchhiker' & 'War of Worlds' are actually adapted from books. It happens that I am a passive fan of the authors' styles - Douglas Adams & HG Wells respectively~ Hope the movies can be as good as the novels. bei will be away for some time, who will pei me watch movies? T_T

adieu, adieu

2005-05-06T12:26:00.000+08:00

For bei, part 5 ^-^ ... ending part ~
This is personally one of my favourites hee :P Maybe because of the part it plays in the story.

So long, farewell ...
Children:
There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird
Is popping out to say "cuckoo"

Marta, Gretl, Brigitta:
Cuckoo, cuckoo

Children:
Regretfully they tell us
Marta, Gretl, Brigitta: Cuckoo, cuckoo
But firmly they compel us
Marta, Gretl, Brigitta: Cuckoo, cuckoo
To say goodbye . . .
Marta, Gretl, Brigitta: Cuckoo!
Children:. . . to you

Children: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
Marta: I hate to go and leave this pretty sight

Children: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Friedrich: Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu

Children: So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen
Liesl: I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne

Children: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
Kurt: I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye -- Goodbye!

Brigitta: I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie
Louisa: I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly

Gretl: The sun has gone to bed and so must I
Children: So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Guests: Goodbye!

pc cranks up again -___________-'''

2005-05-05T18:24:00.000+08:00

yes, for the umpteen time. This time I have no idea whats wrong, my pc just reboots itself randomly and very frequently. When I attempt to execute some memory-exhausting programs like PT, it 100% will reboot itself ~_~ sick & tired of all these PC Problems!!!!!!!!!

the sound of music

2005-05-04T09:05:00.000+08:00

For chow bei, Part 4 :O

The Sound of Music
The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears

My heart wants to beat like the wings of a bird
That rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies
From a church on a breeze
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls
Over stones on its way
To sing through the night
Like a lark who is learning to pray

I go to the hills when my heart is lonely
I know I will hear what I heard before
My heart will be blessed
With the sound of music
And I'll sing once more

yodelling goats???

2005-05-03T13:00:00.000+08:00

For bei, Part 3! :D

High on a hill was a lonely goatherd,
lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo
Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd,
lay odl lay odl loo

Folks in a town that was quite remote heard
Lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo
Lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat heard
Lay odl lay odl loo...

Ho ho lady odlee ho, ho ho lady odl lay
Ho ho lady odl lee ho, lady odl lee ho lay

The prince on a bridge of a castle moat heard
Lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo
Men on a road with a load to tote heard
Lay odl lay odl loo

Men in the midst of a table d'hote heard
Lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo
Men drinking beer with a foam afloat heard
Lay odl lay odl loo...

One little girl in a pale pink coat heard
Lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo
She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd,
lay odl lay odl loo

Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard
Lay odl lay odl lay hee hoo
What a duet for a girl and goatherd,
lay odl lay odl loo

Hm hm hmm, odl lay hee,
odl lay hee hee, odl lay hee
Ho ho ho ho, lady odlee ho, ho ho lady odl lay
Ho ho ho ho lady odl lee ho, lady odl lee ho lay

One little girl in a pale pink coat heard
Lay odl lay odl lay woo hoo
She yodeled back to the lonely goatherd,
lay odl lay odl loo

Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard
Lay odl lay odl lay hmm hmm
What a duet for a girl and goatherd,
lay odl lay odl loo

Happy are they lady ho lady lee ho, ho lady ho lady lady ho
Soon the duet will become a trio, lady odl lay odl loo
Odl lay hee.. odl lay hee.. odl lay hee hee
Odl lay hee odl lay hee odl lay, hoo!

Evolution of the English Language

2005-05-01T22:10:00.000+08:00

Taken from a column in The New Paper :

The European Commission has just announced an agreement under which English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would be known as EuroEnglish.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one letter fewer. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replased with the 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20 per cent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mess of the silent 'e' in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the fourth yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and the 'w' with 'v'.

During the fifz yar, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ze fifz yar, ve vil hav a realy sensibl vriten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evryvun vil find it easy tu understand each ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!

tra la la

2005-05-01T08:31:00.000+08:00

For bei, part 2 :(
(as usual, turn up volume pls)

My favourite things ...
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cream coloured ponies and crisp apple strudel,
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Girls in white dresses and blue satin sashes,
Snow-flakes that stay on my nose and eye-lashes,
Silver white win-ters that melt into spring,
These are a few of my favorite things,
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel, so bad.
(Repeat song)

the dark side of online vulcabulary

2005-04-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

Remember, back in the 1990s when Singaporean Kids used to utter F**k & every variant of hokkien vulgarities to look cool? F**k was a trendy word then, but eventually it became so common; I bet if you listen hard enough you can hear that word muttered in Parliament.

Sad to say, this vulcabulary trendiness influence is creeping back, this time in the blogosphere world. Simply surf through blog links & you'll be certain to find vulcabularly in most blog entries. The online world 'practises' free speech (that doesn't mean you won't get sued!), yes, to spit out vulcabulary once in a while to describe your angst, alright. To begin, punctuate and end every sentence with vulcabulary, huh?!?! I'm not sure what most blogging vulcabulary fans intend to tell the world in their blogs, neither do I want to be sprayed with filth from their mouths. No thank you, saliva is bad enough. Even I, do decorate my entries with vulcabulary sometimes, but its those blogs, where you can count at least 10 from the vulcab' family in every paragraph that pisses me off. Distasteful, thats my opinion of them.

I'm sure many would think: "whats wrong with that, its so common in our speech anyway". I would like to advocate this: if you can, try to lessen your use of vulcabulary as much as possible. Why do I feel so strongly about that? Because, when I have children of my own next time, I don't want to send them out into a world full of gorillas spitting filth from their mouths. I don't want them to talk like this to me or anyone: "F**k lah dad, that guy's a f**ker, he knn one, always think can f**k around with me". I myself used to spill vulcabulary in almost every sentence while in Army. I changed because I didn't want to be a bad influence to people around me. (but of course a few times my discipline went to date lucifer) Btw, recently there are reports on kids who took drugs because of the influence from their parents. A parent can be such an influence, thats why I rather deter from vulcabulary now in case it becomes a bad habit and a very bad influence in the future.

Good writers/bloggers like Mr Brown don't need vulcabulary to accentuate their points. They have better artistic ways to express themselves, and beautiful words to express their ideas.

p/s: vulcab' fans should tone down before the Government bans the use of vulcabulary as well.

lalala ...

2005-04-28T19:38:00.000+08:00

For bei :D
(pls turn up volume, a bit soft sorry >_<')

Do Re Mi ... start singing after me, children ^-^
Let's start at the very beginning
A very good place to start
When you read you begin with - A - B - C
When you sing you begin with DO - RE - MI
DO - RE - MI , DO - RE - MI
The first three notes just happen to be DO - RE - MI
DO - RE - MI
DO - RE - MI - FA - SO - LA - TI...

(Oh let's see if I can make this easier)

DO - a deer, a female deer
RE - a drop of golden sun
MI - a name, I call myself
FA - a long long way to run
SO - a needle pulling thread
LA - a note to follow SO
TI - a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to do oh oh oh

Doe! - a deer, a female deer
Ray! - a drop of golden sun
Me! - a name I call myself
Far! - a long long way to run
So! - a needle pulling thread
La! - a note to follow SO
Tea - a drink with jam and bread
That would bring us back to DO!

A deer, a female deer
RE, a drop of golden sun
MI, a name, I call myself
FA, a long long way to run
SO, a needle pulling thread
LA, a note to follow SO
TI, a drink with jam and bread
That would bring us back to do...
DO - RE - MI - FA - SO - LA - TI - DO! - SO - DO!

Maria: Now children , do re mi fa and so on are only the tools we use to build a song. Once you have these notes in your head you can a sing a million different tunes by mixing 'em up. Like this...ah... :

SO - DO - LA - FA - MI - DO - RE

Can you do that?

SO - DO - LA - FA - MI - DO - RE
SO - DO - LA - TI - DO - RE -DO
SO - DO - LA - TI - DO - RE - DO

Maria: Now put it all together...

SO - DO - LA - FA - MI - DO - RE
SO - DO - LA - TI - DO - RE - DO

Maria: Good!
Brigitta: But it doesn't mean anything.
Maria: So we put in words, One word for every note, like this:

When - you - know - the - notes - to - sing
You - can - sing - most - a-ny-thing

Maria: Together!

When you know the notes to sing
You can sing most anything!

(Biking scene)
DO....
A deer a female deer
RE...
A drop of golden sun
MI...
A name I call my self
FA...
A long long way to run
SO...
a needle pulling thread
LA...
A note to follow so...
TI...
A drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to do

(Carriage Scene)
Gretl: DO
Marta: RE
Brigitta: MI
Kurt: FA
Louisa: SO
Friedrich: LA
Liesl: TI
Maria: DO, DO

TI - LA - SO - FA - MI - RE - DO

Gretl: DO
Brigitta: MI - MI, MI
Louisa: SO - SO
Marta: RE
Kurt: FA - FA
Friedrich: LA
Liesl: TI - TI

(DO - MI -MI, MI - SO - SO, RE - FA - FA, LA - TI - TI)

Maria: When you know the notes to sing
You can sing most...

All: anything!
(Fountain Scene)
DO - a deer a female deer
RE - a drop of golden sun
MI - a name I call myself
FA - a long long way to run
SO - a needle pulling thread
LA - a note to follow SO
TI - a drink with jam and bread...That will bring...us...back...to...

Maria: ~ ~ ~ ~ Children:
DO... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ SO - DO
RE... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ LA - FA
MI... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ MI - DO
FA... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ RE...
SO... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ SO - DO
LA... ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ LA - FA
TI... ... ~ ~ ~ ~ Friedrich & Kurt: LA - SO
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Friedrich, Kurt, Liesl & Louisa: SO - FA
ALL: MI - RE
TI - DOooooooooh
SO - DO!

my pricetag

2005-04-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

I am worth $1,980,056.00 on HumanForSale.com

hmm i want to put myself on sale.

are we mind readers?

2005-04-28T17:21:00.000+08:00

Report

Is that why, when we see strangers weep, we feel sad or even cry?
Is that why, when I see or hear you yawn, I yawn too?
Is that why, we always seem to say the same words at the same time?
Is that why, sparkles make a star, which in turn makes more sparkles?

lol, silly joke XD

2005-04-27T19:57:00.000+08:00

The late Pope John Paul II was standing at 'the gates' discussing things with St Peter.

Behind St Peter was a huge wall with an enormous number of clocks on it, and the Pope was inquisitive about these clocks.
Said Peter, "These are lie clocks. Everyone alive and dead has a lie clock, and each time they tell a lie one second is added to the clock. So when they come up here we know whether the person is also telling us fibs to get in".

The Pope thought this was a great idea, so he asked to see his clock. Sure enough, the hands were stuck on midnight never having moved.

The Pope had never told a lie in his life. A couple of clocks to the left were a clock with the second hand at 5 seconds past midnight.

The Pope pointed at it and enquired, and was told "That was Lord Nelson's clock, he told 5 lies during his lifetime to hide his affair with Lady Hamilton".

The late Pope was greatly impressed by this, so he asked where Britain's Prime Minister "Tony Blair's" clock was...

"Oh that's not on the wall. Jesus has moved that into his office... he's using it as a desk fan".

but ... why?

2005-04-25T07:46:00.000+08:00

The best question in the world is probably, why?
Most questions begin with why, most answers question why.
Why? You tell me.
If you can't tell me, why?
You don't want to tell me, but why?
Why else?

wisma webcam

2005-04-16T16:21:00.000+08:00

how many of you know about this? hehe ^-^''

wisma webcam

Its all about you!

2005-04-15T04:40:00.000+08:00

The song I'm listening to now. Heard it on 91.3FM & now, kinda my fav! Catchy tune, sweet & cute lyrics ^^ Something went wrong with my homepagez host so can't put this song on my blog .. sorry >_<

Its all about you - McFly
It's all about you (it's all about you)
It's all about you baby
It's all about you (it's all about you)
It's all about you

Verse 1:
Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile, it's all about you
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said you'd make my life worthwhile, it's all about you

Chorus:
And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles, it's all about you, yeah!

(Guitar solo)

Chorus 2:
And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you make my life worthwhile
So I told you with a smile

It's all about you
It's all about you (it's all about you)
It's all about you baby(repeat until end)

glomp!

2005-04-13T01:26:00.000+08:00

I think the entire online community is mad about this, and so am I lol, its so cute I love it!! *glomp!* just look at the smiles of both of them .. aww .. it feels me up with happiness!

Disney Quiz :)

2005-04-13T01:07:00.000+08:00

You scored as The Beast. Your alter ego is The Beast! But that is only a name... you are kind hearted and sweet, people just misunderstand you.

The Beast

81%

Pinocchio

81%

Cruella De Ville

56%

Goofy

50%

Cinderella

50%

Peter Pan

50%

Donald Duck

44%

Ariel

44%

Sleeping Beauty

38%

Snow White

38%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

erm...

2005-04-11T19:38:00.000+08:00

Took the test from bei's blog ... omg i need therapy lol XD

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	High
Schizoid Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Disorder:	High
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Disorder:	High
Avoidant Disorder:	High
Dependent Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

events on 10 April, Sunday

2005-04-11T01:43:00.000+08:00

Exhausted and weak all over (later i'll explain :P) but wanted to blog on what i did on sunday so here's a short listing of what I did ...

- 8:30am woke up, went to church, had a great service, felt like I belonged there all the time although I haven't attended service for more 3yrs ++
- Met a few church friends I used to know back then, very happy to see them again - jason, karen, kelly, may, wendy, corinne (hope i spelt right!) .. and omg Jason & Karen (in their 20s) have a very pretty 2yr old daughter Elizabeth! Back then they were just married and had just bought an apartment!
- Had lunch with Charles and his youth group ppl, ordered fish slice kuay tiao which tastes quite nice but I only managed to finish half the bowl -_-
- Went to Parkway Parade alone coz' Charles had to go for a church group meeting, bought an England sweater/jacket that I've eyed for more than a year! Decided not to buy the columbia jacket coz' it costs almost twice as much :O
- Reached home, posed in my new darling jacket :D and posed in my old office-wear attire coz' now i'm finally thin enough to fit into the black pants I love hehe.
- Read news online, surfed, idled, chatted, watched 'What women want' starring Mel Gibson on Chn 5. It was better than what I expected, very funny and interesting movie ^^
- Went for jog late late at night, got to a small fitness park, did sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups. Jogged back ... almost vomitted later on -_- i am so unfit!
- Bathed, blogging .. tml will be renaissanceeeeeeeeeeeeee dayyyyyyyyy!!!

thank you

2005-04-10T01:13:00.000+08:00

I thought it would be appropriate to blog this. Recently my pc was down with a virus that I couldn't get rid of with norton and trend micro. It messed up my IE and a lot of things like windows search couldn't even work properly >:( It got real bad and I decided to format my pc ... but then, being a lousy pc knowledge person + paranoid about formatting PCs ... I didn't dare to do it. Hence ... last friday I msn-ed Mr Moon (zw, my old ept friend) to ask if he could help me format and set up my pc. Shockingly he said ok and was at my house in abt 20 mins :O Everything went smoothly, thank God .. and I just want to thank him for helping me so willingly!

I'm quite dependant on others for many things. I know that is rather bad, but sometimes, I really can't do much about it. Thats why for my part, I always try to help my friends as much as I can, especially when they have problems, or are troubled. I think we should ask for help when we urgently need it, and help others the best we can when they need help ... thats what I feel friendships should be about ^_^ If anyone have any opinions about this, pls share with me, I'd like to hear your perspective. :)

the greater cause

2005-04-09T00:46:00.000+08:00

Thats it. From today on every weekday I will wake up at 6am to go school study till' 8pm when library closes. I don't know how I am going to eat alone but I don't care. I will buy a nice jacket for myself tml or sunday so I won't freeze to death. Yes, I don't have a jacket =_+ . Contemplating buying the columbia one thats damn cool (to me at least :P) or any England Soccer Team jacket hehehe I love England! Ok. Every Sunday I will faithfully go to church, have service with Charles. Coz' I promised to work hard and I intend to honour it.

~ . ~ . ~
Knighthood, the call to adventure
~ . ~ . ~
The knight has left the Fifi king almost dead. But he hurts, where the abomination scorched ... where his life flows from. There is still a long road to go, to retrieve the sacred Haagen Daz Caramel with Chocolate Chip ice cream. To rescue Princess Ariel. He had obtained a map during his battle with the fiery one, which shows a clearer path. A path where he will walk stronger. A path where his wounds make him wiser. Sir Buckbeak only wishes, Princess Ariel will still be at the castle in Heart of Perum waiting when he reaches. He had prepared a magnificent hug.

:: The events that followed after Sir Buckbeak received the Call to adventure ::

sad & angry! :fear comes full circle:

2005-04-07T01:50:00.000+08:00

Being sad T_T

Being angry >:(

Ancient tortures

2005-04-04T03:30:00.000+08:00

This is a disturbing prose, so don't read it if you don't like awful/disgusting/grotesque thoughts.

He laid his body on the altar, believing his faith. Two days ago, they scorched his skin with the iron dipped beforehand into the fires. He screamed, he shouted 'WHY?' repeatedly as the redness fizzled into charred crumpled skin. He believed, and he was believing still. Yet came again the tool from the fires of hell, the possessor faceless, ever stretching out towards him. Steam burst at every touch, and the screams ... again and again until it became drowsy and no more.

Yesterday, he awoke. If the pain was unbearable, he looked unaffected. Or rather, insane. His eyes opened wide, stared hard. His teeth shut tight and his head trembled maniacally. The faceless tormentor stood at a corner and watched him, silently waiting. He laid on the altar still, he believes. His tormentor came. This time it was a fiery hot pincer. It dug skillfully into his skin. His eyes went wild, he clutched with an insane grip at the sides of the altar. It pinched and tore slowly his skin. Peeling gleefully. His pupils rolled, his body reeled in the excruciating ... pain. On it went, picking the juiciest bits, tearing and peeling until at last his head fell back with a thump.

Today he awoke, again to the unworldly pain. He knew what was to come. The tormentor awaits. There was no chains no binds, yet he laid, shivering, muscles twitching. He believes. The main dish today, was to be the turcas. It gripped tightly onto his hapless thumbnail. And ripped it off. His screams could not be described. As he laid trembling, horror-stricken, his heart collapsed. He knew the faceless tormentor, and yet it seemed foreign to him. His heart bled. He laid still, believing, on the altar of his faith. The tormentor, mindless, faceless to itself, gave a mocking smile.

blog entries are getting shorter ...

2005-03-31T20:28:00.000+08:00

my blog entries are getting shorter and shorter .. oh no ...
i love some techno & trance ^_^ turn your volume up!!!

demons

2005-03-31T02:38:00.000+08:00

I know this is weird, but thought up these words when I was jogging (or rather dying) halfway.

"We fear the demons of others in the daytime but we face the demons of ourselves in the darkness."

Is there any truth in my words? ^_^''

Updates

2005-03-28T02:18:00.000+08:00

Sincere apologies to those who have been waiting for updates on the story of Penelope >.<' I have been busy with things like my project and my moodiness. After I hand up both my projects, I shall try to continue the story! Hmm, not many ppl read my blog anyway, but I wouldn't like thousands of surfers to be visiting my blog everyday also. I blog coz' I love to express thoughts into words, not becoz' I need attention :P

Knighthood, the call to adventure

2005-03-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

No hero is born a hero. Often they have to endure great pains, triumph over horrific demons and perform mad herculean tasks. I've received my 'call to adventure' lately. It seems that to be a knight, one has to earn the title. In the past, I thought I was a knight but all I did was slew miniscule monsters and protect my supporting priestess. Small deeds do not pay for petty crimes. What I have now though is my call to adventure ... if I survive this quest, I can be a true knight and hero (or so I am promised). If I get slain in my journey, I will be naught but zero. Here is my 'call to adventure', received from the Control Character from the High Council of Noble Heroes & Knights.

To Sir Buckbeak (Knight of the Broken Wooden Shield):

As you can see, your knight ranking has been severly demoted for the past 2 years. We of the High Council of Noble Heroes & Knights were so proud to bestow upon you the title of 'Knight of the Great Shield' 2 years ago. But you have disappointed us numerous times that we had no choice but to demote you to lowly 'Knight of the Wooden Shield'. However, I am pleased to inform you of a quest, that should you triumph in, not only will you be a true knight, we of the High Council of Noble Heroes & Knights will confer the title 'Knight of the Shining Grand Shield' on you. These are the missions you must undertake:

- Kill the infamous Fifi King and its minions which reside in the dry desert of Forbidden Land.
- Travel to Railway of Chaos through the pavement of burning fires.
- Find the legendary frozen Haagen Daz Caramel with Chocolate Chip ice cream tub.
- Rescue Princess Ariel (Lady of the Ever Shining Star) from the clutches of demons we dare not to even name in the desolate Heart of Perum.

I must warn you of the dangers of this quest. In the battle with the infamous Fifi king and its minions, you are bound to fight for several days or even weeks. You have to show strength that you do not yourself know exists. It can be done, my lowly knight, but you must have determination. At the pavement of burning fires, your endurance will be severly tested. For we do not know how long the road is, all you can do is suffer the flames and pain, and wait for the door to appear. Upon rescuing Princess Ariel, you are to present to her the legendary Haagen Daz Caramel with Chocolate Chip ice cream tub. After which the quest is complete, you can bring Princess Ariel back to your kingdom. But remember, this quest is for life. If at any time you slacken, Princess Ariel may be whisked away, and you, my dear lowly knight, will lose your title again.

Good Luck and God Bless,
Control Character

I do so desire to win the heart of this Princess Ariel. For her, I will accept this quest. Should I be slain, at least I will have died an honorable knight's death. I've placed this letter of 'call to adventure' in my breast pocket. That way, when I seek my heart, I know what I've set out to achieve and what rewards await me.

Acting out our little tragic plays

2005-03-22T02:53:00.000+08:00

Isn't it strange how in life, we humans love to mimic the art of tragedy? Why do we have that ironically hedonistic thrill of indulging in self-inflicted pains? Sometimes we plunge ourselves in such deep pits so willingly when there are finer, cushier routes to walk. Why? What really feeds this tenacious desire of ours? Is it the knowledge that we have acted out poetic justice in pronouncing sentences onto ourselves? If so, it is not such an incredulity then, that the conscientious are the ones perpetually in torment. But what then to martyrdom? Does it promise a paradisiacal solution, or rather just guilefully deceive our self-centered hearts? In our opinionated acts of martyrdom, we rarely discern the sufferings we propagate. Who's to blame? Society lor!

The worst poem ever written

2005-03-21T03:28:00.000+08:00

A madman with passion can sing the greatest poems. A madman without can utter the best gibberish. I am proud to be mad and remember ... everything comes in pairs. :)

The worst poem ever written
I wished upon a midnight star,
it glimmered bright but answered 'baaa'.
I wished upon the midnight star,
it spluttered long yet sang out 'laa'.
Crystal drops fell on my mute guitar,
and the other one, it went 'ha-ha'.

I flung my heart and soul afar,
towards the bleeting midnight star.
For if these doors don't come ajar,
I'll rhyme no more .. those damn 'ha-ha's.

If we hold on together ...

2005-03-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

When a man cries, does it mean he's weak? I've got this beautiful song as my background music, please turn your volume up and listen to every word ... And careful your feet, there's a puddle of my tears ...

If we hold on together
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and i

Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Somebody is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and i

When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and i

Some updates ..

2005-03-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

Just an update ... I've put direct links to my Penelope story in the sidebar so it'll be easier to locate. I know there isn't much ppl reading my blog, but I'll try my best to continue the story ok? Just need to grab the rare glimpse of light :(

The story of penelope the morning star [II]

2005-03-15T01:18:00.000+08:00

Part 2: Penelope and Jacob the joy
And so Penelope was introduced, and people called her 'Princess of the morning star'. 8 years went by as swift as an eagle in the sky. Penelope was even more beautiful now, her hazel eyes sparkled and shone so bright, her face had such kind contours and her skin, oh her skin, so fair and white and smooth. Under the guidance of Knight Justin and Lady Tahira, Penelope learnt also many things, of science and of life. Knight Justin taught little Penelope about why apples fall on our heads, about why people fought and died for their kings. Lady Tahira taught Penelope the virtues of life, and compassion. There was endless knowledge to learn, for young enthusiastic Penelope. She learnt well, indeed. Whenever she saw old Mister Tumbleweed lugging buckets of water, she would run to him and ask, "Mister Tumbleweed, those buckets look very heavy! Let me help you a bit alright?" Poor Tumbleweed, out of breath because of the burden, could only groan and nod his head in appreciation. And although Penelope was so young and just a little lady, she would share the burden with poor old Tumbleweed, heaving and puffing all the way to his humble little hut. Words spread of her kindness, and of her beauty. Boys would always asked if she wanted to play with them, but she always shied away from such attention. On her own, however, one always notices that she loves to dance, and sing, and run wildly on the flowery fields, often with a beautiful pink flower tucked behind her ears.

Carefree and happy, Penelope's life was. But on the morning of Penelope's twelfth birthday, she woke up feeling upset. It came to her so suddenly, that her life was meaningless. "I play and dance and sing, though I am happy, I am not ...," sighs Penelope, a frown forming on her smooth forehead. "There is something more I need ... but I don't know what." And so that morning found Penelope sulking moodily under an old tree amongst the fields. She stared beyond the skies and thought very hard, but still could not find an answer. Just then, a piece of poorly knitted rag fell out from the branches of the tree! Along with a groaning boy as well, wearing the patched up rag and massaging his backside. Penelope, jolted from her train of thoughts, could only stare with her big round hazel eyes, the rest of her frozen. The boy, whose face was screwed up in pain said," Well, are you going to say something or are you going to invite insects into your cute gaping mouth?"

"Oh erm, hi .. I am Penelope and you are?" Penelope stuttered, still recovering from the shock.
"Thanks for the concern, and I am Jacob, Jacob the joy," Jacob shook his head slowly and groaned again.

There was a moment of quiet as Penelope smiled sheepishly at Jacob as he tried to remove all sorts of leaves and branches entangled in his wavy hair. "I never knew that could be a problem with curls," Penelope giggled, caressing her own golden brown tresses.

To be continued ...

One through the hoop

2005-03-14T04:52:00.000+08:00

Finished one of my projects today ... I feel relieved to a certain extent, but there's one more to go, then after that exams to study for. When there's a short circuit, we always search for the switch first, why? Because we can't live without lights.

I really want to continue on my story but ... not sure if I have the time to >.<'' I also have to find out how to create special urls for each of my posts so that I can put up my stories in the sidebar T_T

The story of Penelope, the morning star

2005-03-12T03:04:00.000+08:00

Part 1: The birth of the morning star
As all stories start and will here too, long long time ago, a girl by the name of Penelope was born. She was born to a knight and a beautiful lady. The married couple who ruled part of the King's land were loved by the commoners who worked for them. Knight Justin was courageous and righteous, he helped all who needed help, and chased villains out of his land. Lady Tahira was pure and virtuous, she loves her people. All who come to her in illness, are tended by her with such care they promised they would return with gifts although they were poor. Knight Justin and Lady Tahira were dubbed the 'Knight of Valor' and the 'Lady of Virtue' for obvious reasons.

Anyway, back to the story, little Penelope was born. She was born smiling, with big round hazel eyes, a cutesy mouth and very pinch-able cheeks. An old man, Pangea, attracted by the crowd bustling outside the Knight's castle, went forward to see what was the curious subject. When he saw baby Penelope, he said to Knight Justin: " She shines of the morning star ... her smile radiates like of the red rock beyond. She will be knowledgeable and have great wisdom. She will have a special gift from God." The old man, oblivious to everyone's eyes on him, nodded to himself solemnly. Then, as abruptly as he came, he walked away never to be seen again. King Justin and his Lady Tahira were very puzzled but joyful at what the old man said. Lady Tahira, holding little Penelope in her loving arms, gazed lovingly into her big round eyes. "My princess baby, one day you will be a virtuous, smart and beautiful lady!" said Lady Tahira as she smiled the joyful smile of a mother while Knight Justin wrapped both her and little Penelope in his arms.

To be continued ...

Marquee folly

2005-03-10T05:36:00.000+08:00

Spent hours doing the marquee above =_+'' some nice pics I wanna put up there but because of the size of my marquee they won't look like anything but a mess of colours ... >.<'

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

2005-03-10T02:34:00.000+08:00

No one can love like how God loves us no matter how much we try. But I trust in his words and I try my best although I am still ashamed. These verses cannot be taken in meaning without the context (of the other verses before & after them) in mind, I put them here because they are pure and beautiful.

NKJV
13:4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
13:5 Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
13:6 Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
13:7 Bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things.

me and bei pic

2005-03-06T23:57:00.000+08:00

Me and bei some time ago, picture taken by a lousy webcam which is mysteriously missing now o.o Bei looks so sweet .. I look so messed up x_x

clickee

New blog layout ^_^

2005-03-03T05:10:00.000+08:00

I hope you ppl like my new blog layout ... will still continue to alter it, bits and pieces to be done '>_<' btw if you don't hear any music, pls tune up your volume! Right now itssss oh soooo rone-ryy ... see previous entry!

World peace

2005-03-02T18:07:00.000+08:00

Kim Jong II & the song he dedicates to all ronery ppl in this world ^_^'' enjoy ...
(Pls note there are no spelling mistakes -_- )

I'm so ronery by Kim Jong II

I'm so ronery, so ronery
So ronery and sadry arone
Dere's no one
Just me onry
Sitting on my rittle throne
I woork rearry hard and make up great prans
But nobody ristens, no one understands
Seems rike no one takes me ser-ri-rous-reeeeeeee
And so I'm ronery
A rittle ronery
Poor rittle me

There's nobody
I can rerate to
Feel rike a bird in a cage
It's kinda sirry
But not rearry
Because it's firring my body with rage

I'm the smartest most clever most physically fit
but nobody else seems to rearize it
When I change the world maybe they'll notice meeeeeeeee
Until then I'll just be ronery
Yea ... Rittle ronery, poor rittle me
I'm so ronery

Bad things accumulate - Good things come and fade

2005-02-26T04:52:00.000+08:00

Is my title nice? Bad things accumulate, good things come and fade. Was discussing about life & happiness with my friend today. Life basically isn't good for everyone, I hardly meet anyone who haven't thought once of being done and over with life (as in wanting to quit, not the morbid suicidal line) Anyway, we were discussing how we deal with pains in our lives. For me, I'll take the rare medicine or endure the agonies, while my friend would rather take painkillers. Thats the reason why I'm seldom truly happy in my life. Medicines are hard to come by, and I dislike the taste of painkillers, so I'll take my daily dosages of pain, endure and endure. Of course I do take painkillers sometimes, like everyone else does ... a simple smile or fantastic music, little things like these that ease the pain. Things that are true and pure however, are the only ones that will give true happiness and fulfillment in a person's life. So I find it hard to accept the relying on painkillers. In my view, after a powerful painkiller wears out, there's always a heart attack waiting to pounce. Thats because --> bad things accumulate, good things come and fade.

I have a dream, a very beautiful one that I know many ppl won't appreciate. Just to sidetrack a bit, I thought of a small reasoning yesterday night. Some people I've met in my life said that I was weird. But I've always felt that I'm not weird, just misunderstood. People label anything they don't understand weird, odd, insane. Not sure if everyone agrees with this but I feel quite strongly about it .. Anyway back to the point .. my dream. I have a very different outlook of life from most ppl. Everyone I know wants to get a good education, then graduate to find a good job, earn as much $ as possible, have a home, possibly a car and live 'happily' ever after. Whereas me, I've always wanted to be a mathematician, or to be working for an overseas missionary aiding the poorer countries. I want to live in a countryside with miles of green pastures surrounding my cosy home. I want to be lying on the field at night, with my sweetheart beside me, listening to soft good music and just stare at the skies. What I want is no more a dream than a goal in life. Those are the things I know will complete my life. Have you ever wanted something so bad, you know without it you're just a soul-less body and better off dead? Nothing in my life now can direct me to my dreams. Everything needs, everyone wants ... all around me will suck my life away. I am but a slave to society. Dreams shattered, broken soul. Its difficult to describe how it feels, but when you're all empty inside, you can't really feel, right? Maybe I'll give the feeling this word - dispair.

I don't, however think that most ppl need dreams as much as me. Life may be easier that way. I have a good advice for everyone, I think ... that is ... in your life, know what you want and do your best to achieve it. It may be simple and short, but it sure makes life much easier.

Chinese New Year Special!

2005-02-09T01:46:00.000+08:00

Weeeeee I did it lol! Hear the music? I don't care if it bothers you haha, but its my fav. song right now :P Song is 'Runaway' by Electrico, a local band. Yes, a LOCAL band, you heard it right! First 'heard' their mtv on MTV Asia and immediately went to search for it everywhere erm .. **legally. Shhh! Eventually had to buy their CD tho' haha, but its great. Years and years ago, I had a local act craze. Started out becoz' I had some christian friends who are into the church music ministry & stuffs. Hanging with them ard enuf, I started to know a lot of local musicians, the real lovers of music -> guitars, drums & vocals! Some performed gigs at youth park/small studios/once even @Taka SQ ... it was a real insight, experiencing the local music scene & it was very very cool hanging ard those guys :D Anyway ... those days are no more ... Electrico is also a christian band, if I'm not wrong. To contest my bei, I went one step further and incorporated 'my' song on my blog haha nay nay nee boo boo ;p

Here's the lyrics, to a fantastic song .. performed by SSssssingaporeaaaaaaansss! Sing along ok? =D Check them out at @ ELECTRICO

RUNAWAY

Truly Julie, in another day
You know it really isn't far away
that I'm longing to be with you.
You'll be waiting for another sun,
but that's when things begin to come undone
and there's nothing that I can do
There's sense that's running in the air,
and that's the time that you should never dare.

Running away you can't pretend,
up to the door and back again with me.
I know ..
Running away it drives me wild,
even someone who makes me mild like you.
I know .. I know ..

[Bridge]
There's a place where everything is free
and everyone is just like you and me
like I've never seen before.
But I would never ever wanna go,
to a place unless you told me so,
then you said that you wanted more.
There's sense that's running in the air
and thats the time that you should never dare.

Running away you can't pretend,
up to the door and back again with me.
I know ..
Running away it drives me wild,
even someone who makes me mild like you.
I know .. I know ..

Running away you can't pretend,
up to the door and back again with me.
I know ..
Running away it drives me wild,
even someone who makes me mild like you.
I know .. I know ..

The Death Test

2005-02-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

Check out this death prediction website ~_~

Death date prediction!

The Death Test predicts that I will die at age 81, in September 2061 ... at the hands of Cancer >_<

Visiting day

2005-01-04T09:36:00.000+08:00

Since I'm lazy to blog nowadays .. I shall put pictures instead :P

Rolled over x_x

2004-12-16T02:14:00.000+08:00

I miss my good friends. I've always been a person who enjoys close friendship & few friends than brief but many friendships. To me ... after a day with a really good friend, I feel well nourished deep down in my heart. After a day of going out with many 'not so close' friends however, the joy doesn't last. I'm not sure how I can explain this, but its probably because a day with a really good friend, is forever more meaningful. I just want to talk about my friends tho', coz' its Xmas, a time for giving, a time for friendship and love ... and nostalgia.

Lets start way back. 1990. Thats when I first met Teik I think. Really long time ago ... He's a really great guy to have as company. All the crapping joking ... We used to be crazy over neogeo games & arcades ... we would go his neighbour's hse to play, or Upper Serangoon SC arcade (which is gone now btw). The days we spend playing & crapping is one of the most memorable times of my life. Teik wasn't a nice guy actually ... to me, I've always known he was very selfish, odd and .. erm weird. Since sec sch (St Gabriel's) he had been ostracized .. mainly coz' of his weird manners and his temper ... even in SRJC, when we were in the same class, one classmate asked me why did I even bother to talk to him. I didn't know really why, but to me, he was a very good friend. Eventually we fell out coz' I lost my patience with him, but I've since regretted ...

In pri 3, I had this classmate Hongliang (hl). Didn't know him that well really, until sec sch. He's a really good guy, someone who stands up for his friend, someone who's honest and decent. I used to go his hse often ... to listen to Bon Jovi, play some ancient DOS games ... chinese chess ... Sad that I can't remember much, but I really miss those times back then. After we graduated from St Gabs Sec, we sorta didn't contact each other much anymore. Really hope he's doing great in his life now, also his family, whom I got the pleasure to know..

In SRJC ... I had the best time of my life. I would give anything to go back to those days ... Altho' it was during that time my life took a turn for the bad. One stupid mistake after another (studies wise x_X). During freshmen orientation, I met Winston and Charles and eventually followed them to Arts for the rest of my JC life. JC days ... I can cry whenever I think of them. Those good old days when the 3 of us would hang ard the Arts Corner, play guitar & sing. We skipped lects to go out & eat at Heartland Mall(Then it was not called that) ... Very often we would also go Wince or Charles' hse to hangout ... usual stuffs like singing, playing boring pc games & staying over. Those 2 guys are really great, one of the nicest ppl I ever met in my life. There wouldn't be enough words to describe all the good in them, and I hope they are still as saintly hehe! But like the sad story of my life, that also ended with graduation ...

Then Army came. After being posted to a perm. unit, I was bunked with 7 others, amongst whom was Kenny. Strange coincidence, but like Teik, Kenny and Wince were also both ten years Gabrielites. Kenny, is a very righteous guy hehe, full of integrity. He's someone who would sacrifice for other's sake. And this I must say ... he's the only guy I've ever confided in my feelings with. For me, I always feel its much easier confiding in gals but Kenny was that good a friend. Thru'out the 2 years of bunkship, we stuck by each other, shared problems, went thru' shit blabla ... I treasure him a lot as a friend becoz' he's one of the rarest, nicest guy ard on earth hehe. The woman who marries him will definitely be the luckiest woman in SG haha! Miss the days when we would go out on nights out & the ChompChomp Stingray outings ...

I was about to go on about the last great friend I had but .. its 2:50am x_x continue another day. Just like to say .. its memories like these, that makes us cry when we are old. Things we cherish do go away someday, leaving deep memories etched in our minds, with bits of our heart in it. I really miss those best friends in my life a lot. It is through them, I learn to live my life and grow in it. So ironic, that the happiest moments in our lives, will evoke the saddest emotions in their future..

PT2 Outing!!!

2004-12-12T21:12:00.000+08:00

PT2 OUTING PHOTO

Some insights

2004-11-27T14:20:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged for 3 weeks already hehe ... Don't blame me ah, really had nothing to blog, or anything I could remember that I needed to blog on. Feeling very blur now so pardon me if there's anything here that sounds incomprehensible :P

I'm going to touch on a controversial topic today ... controversial why? Controversial because it provokes our personal sense of freedom. What am I talking about?? I'm talking ... about treating our body with care. *preach* Christians believe our bodies are 'temples of God'. Our bodies are sacred & thus of course we should not mistreat it. What follows after is my own opinion tho', but not without reasons ok!

I hate smokers. I used to think they are useless, hopeless, incorrigible and banes of society. Then I decided that was too tough on them, so I started to hate their attitude towards smoking instead of them. Many of the people I interact with actually smokes thats why I felt I was too harsh. Then again I thought and reflected on some issues ... and finally decided I was right to think they're useless people in the first place. Read on.

Our bodies are not our own. My opinion is that 3 entities own our bodies. God, and our parents. A simple reason is that they created us. Of course there comes cases when we can argue parents don't deserve to own us (abuse, disowning, etc) but lets leave them aside... And of course, to argue against God not owning our bodies is plain stupidity. So lets goooooo on ... Since we are indebted to God and our parents for our creation, why should we have the right to mistreat our bodies in any way? No matter how ugly, deformed, wretched our lives or our bodies are, we should never attempt to hurt it. Our bodies are created as a result of love, from God and from our parents, what would it mean if we were to hurt it? If your mother makes you a cheesecake, would you throw it at her face?

Its my own opinion that we are borne into this world, to give to society. We shape our happiness by giving others their happiness. If we ever hurt ourselves, its not us who will feel pained, its others who give us love who will feel deeply hurt. What right have we to deny their happiness through our own acts of selfishness? Of course we are free to choose what we do to our bodies, but responsibility wise, we have no rights to scar it. Anyone who is a parent, or can identify with being one, will understand one of the most painful things to see is your own child hurt himself/herself. For those who refuse to understand this basis of love, you can stop living right now, coz' you've lost the basic humanity that even animals have.

Anyway, this is just a brief reasoning ... Thats mostly the reason why I hate smokers. For the fact that they harm their bodies, forgetting the costs their family and friends would need to pay for their irresponsible acts. Recently a research was done on smoking costs, and it figured out to $40 per packet smoked. Health, salaries, time, energy, etc ... these things that are lost through smoking.

Singapore Idol

Who would have thought? Both my favourites are in the final! Haha! Gosh, I don't love the gals in the competition ^^ But for Maia of course. I was genuinely surprised recently by Taufik. For the past dunno how many weeks he's been performing so well that I'm really won over. His voice is fantastic, his attitude is great and he's an artistic singer (don't ask me what that means) As for Sylvester, well, he's just got style. I first noticed him when he sang a Bon Jovi song, and as a Bon Jovi fan long time ago ... I must say his voice quality is quite like the real thing. Somehow though I think Syl is weak in some aspects ... but if you heard him sing 安靜 on the asia pop show ... So who will I be rooting for in the finals? Both hehe, but I believe Taufik needs this win more than Syl. Syl, I believe no matter what the results are, have already carved a way for his singing career.

On the phenomenon show recently, Jerry was interviewed and he talked about the abuse he's gotten from Idol Forums and during an autograph session. I've been to the forums during the time when he was still in the competition and frankly, those bad comments about him were totally disgusting. I do think he performed badly every time, and deserved to be out, but hate-Jerry comments are uncalled for. I'm pretty sure every time he goes through to the next round, he does try his best. Its not himself who picks to go through, so why blame him?

Whirl

2004-11-03T04:51:00.000+08:00

Bei's blog post today mentioned the strange language kids use nowadays. When I was young, I don't recall ever using those disdainful alternatives or anything of the like. I did, however shortened words in my own way, my own style, not the kind that goes right up on others' face. Things like (tho') for though, (thru') for through ... etc. The way kids speak/write/type these days, makes them look extremely 'clueless'. Ah .. I'm being diplomatic today haha! Since they can humiliate themselves by communication, I wonder if I can humiliate them by how I communicate? ;) Everytime, from this day on, every entry, check my taunt!

Today's theme, is angst. I trust my audience didn't need to click on this to find out the meaning of angst. Don't worry I won't tell on you either. :) Angst. Life is at a turn. Does anyone know why humans like to participate in some customs & traditions, even when the ideas behind such activities are illogical to us now, or even if the situation no longer applies? Humans, are possibly one of the most capable living beings at adapting. Ah .. but humans fear change, ironically. Change, is a traumatising experience when one gets hit by its impact. Angst, whats with it? And particularly whats with it & me?

Angst. The inability to recreate situations with deep rooted emotions. Sombre belongs to where it belonged. A past that present cannot save. A past that drives the future towards doom. Watching an imprisoned child smiling honestly behind metal lines at an innocent doll outside ... just like that, deep within a warmth, faint and always covered with snow.

Angst. Of what there is, that gives naught for what is to be. Of what we need, that gives naught for what we want. A man with flippers, made to cross a desert. What hope is there, when hope hopes against itself? What life is there, when one wears the boot not of his, to bleed by the thorns from beneath? What spirit, when the only sea of water wanes, such that we would arrive to kneel upon that mirage?

Angst. Righteous or a fulfilling road? Aye, why do we ask? Even the most sane would turn cannibal if God gives plague & war. Made with a soul, walked without half, staggered with a speck, died with none.

heat on the heart, heart on the heat

2004-10-31T04:50:00.000+08:00

People who patronise. When I bring a friend out to meet a group of people he/she doesn't know well, I do not leave my friend alone at any time. In fact, I will feel responsible to entertain my friend rather than to entertain that group of people (in the process hoping that will also entertain that lone friend of mine)

Most people who, in 'acting' the part of a social party, will instinctively do otherwise. Meaning they will always attempt to entertain the crowd rather than making sure their lone friend is alright. What I mean by 'alright', is not just "oh I am fine don't worry about me" or "its ok I'm fine with just hanging around". What I mean, is that you would wholeheartedly stay by the lone friend, talk to him/her most of the time, pay more attention to him/her & when in group chat, either bring your friend into the conversation or limit the time you spend on topics you cannot bring your friend into.

I absolutely detest it when people are influenced to 'act' the social role in a social situation. My opinion is not of no valid reasons or because of any bias. In those situations, either you entertain your friend or the crowd. There will definitely be a focus object. So when someone opts to 'act' the social role, what does it say or mean about this action? And when someone opts instead to focus his attention on his friend, what does it say or mean?

Playing the social role in a group, what induces this behaviour? Need for an integration with the majority, need for attention, need for participation or contribution? Lets move on to the other option of entertaining the lone friend. - - - > As someone opts to focus on the integration of his friend into the surroundings instead of whistling to the tune of the social party, what does it mean? Maybe a less forceful intrusion into a possibly close-packed social group? Protection of the lone friend? Concern if the friend may not be able to 'enter' the social conversation.

+ + : Whats primarily blatantly clear is that, both behaviours are related to (extrovert + myself) & (introvert + him/her) : + +
Playing the social role in a group, is an example of extrovert behaviour, but hideously hidden in the truth is the egoism and the self-centredness. Subjects who behave as such, basically act that way in order to fulfill their own needs, and if a little extreme, desires. They feel the need to have, to belong, to control.

Whereas the other behaviour suggests introvert behaviour, soft on the social focus, hard on each individual beings. More focus generally on how one socialises with one another, instead of how one socialises with everyone. This depicts a personal feel, a 'Marxism' way in the situation.

After all that crap .. I just want to put it into my own words ... If you bring anyone out to meet your friends or a group of ppl, don't be a jackass and keep talking to the group, or be intently chatting about stuffs your friend cannot relate or contribute to. Also, if you ever bump into friends while out with just one friend, don't be a bloody dumbass and spend a damn long time talking to those friends, or turn to talk with them after every few mins! I can't describe what I feel towards such behaviour but for godness sake, such people, ought to be reminded they have a brain to think with sometimes.

Empty

2004-10-29T03:00:00.000+08:00

Life, is a vacuum. Endless darkness, emptiness. So hollow that if you think, your thoughts come back many times more at you. Life, as such, is nothing ... a mundane non-existence, yet a routine we all try hard to paint with colours. Out of need, or desire, or a pattern we simple follow? Everything gets sucked away in a vacuum. It laughs at those who frantically claw at illusions.

Life gives us infinite space to build our castles. Where some use their minds for the guiding foundation, some use desires, some use needs. But it does not matter, because life sucks them away everytime, anyway. Would you build a castle and put yourself in it? Life laughs at such fools, for once it gets sucked away, a piece of these fools die. Some like to paint many, some like to spend eternity on one. What would happen, to one who paints only one, and confines himself in it?

Everyone tries to find the meaning to life, but there's none, only the castles they wish to build. To build so that life can suck it all away into nothingness. Why do you paint castles, when in the end, you gain naught and lose yourself?

The one about the dream room

2004-10-24T03:58:00.000+08:00

Horrible drawing yea? lol. This is the room I actually dreamt of. The blue part is really a bed that covers the entire room, with several slopes (the darker shade of blue) so its like, the highest part of this 'bed' is at the window. There's supposed to be some space at the right side uncovered by the bed & occupied by a small table, with some shelves nailed on the wall right above that table. Will describe my dream in more details another day, need to slp now!

Past, Present, Future

2004-10-21T13:50:00.000+08:00

Today is me & bei's 23rd month anniversary! I love bei :D

I hope that no matter what hardships we go through, we will always be there for each other.
I hope that no matter where we are, we will always be thinking of each other.
I hope that no matter how life twists and turns, down the road we will always be holding hands.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

short note

2004-10-16T03:43:00.000+08:00

yay ... got a new pc ^_^ runs nicely so far ... and now using maxonline via wireless router. I love the dl from net speed man! hehe ... but got little bits of problems regarding the wireless connection settings >.<

Eyes kinda too tired to allow for a detailed blog so I leave it as it is now. I made up my mind to touch on a thinking topic tml, so watch this space (or rather the space above hehe)

Objective on 6 Oct 2004 :

Start learning & practising Java.
Type a thinking blog topic.
Go crazy over every goal Man Utd scores later on!
Touch on both my project plans.
Ensure that I do the above tasks ~_~

Little bits here & there

2004-10-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

Continuing from where I left off, England won 2-0 that day, where a superb curler from Beckham sealed the win. That was the kind of quality he used to provide for Man Utd but he's lost that touch since. I was looking out more for Neville, Rooney, Rio & Smith ... hoping they would shine. Rio & Neville were consistently fantastic as usual, while Rooney showed flashes of brilliance. His passing needs improving tho' ... maybe 1-2 seasons nurturing will make him more complete.

Dreams : Recently been having lots of dreams every night ... unlike other times, its really a lot .. maybe up to 5-6 continuously thru' the night. Can't rem. any part of those dreams ... just goes and leaves, all a jumble, all so fast moving. Woke up 2 days ago thinking it was like near 1pm .. but was only 7am! Those dreams are really messing me up >_<

Time : I've been noticing this strange phenomena ... plenty & plenty of times when I look at time, either on my pc or hp, I keep seeing 'pretty times'. Time like 22:22, or 1:11pm ... 5:55. I really dunno why, is it because I look at time very often, or just something odd going on? God knows ~.~

Fact : Some 'biodemographer' or sort (supposedly studies human expectancy & related stuffs) made a claim that humans cannot live pass 125 years. In his discussion, he mentioned that we've increased life expectancy gradually, but its only because we 'add' years to the young ; the young live longer due to better medical care. He argued that while that is possible, its not possible to 'add' years to the old. Humans are in truth simply just another animal. Our main purpose is to reproduce & take care of the young until they can take care of themselves. Thus, human functions like our eyes, ears, hair are not required by the time the objective of reproducing & caring is achieved. That is why our body deteriorates. Thats just physical thingys I guess. To me, whats more impt, is being true to yourself, & bring meaning to your life.

England, soccer & sidenotes

2004-10-09T22:50:00.000+08:00

England leading 1-0 at half time right now, Lampard scored. Although not a great fan of arsenal & chelsea, I respect the kind of players they have, particularly english players like Campbell, Ash. Cole, Lampard, Wayne Bridge. Every time i see them play for their clubs & for England, they're just superb! Having such players in the English team, together with the likes of my fav. few ( G.Neville, Rio, Rooney), it is a very strong team indeed ... but somehow I just feel they lack magic. Difficult to explain what it is thats somehow not making this team great, but I think they're missing just a influential, skillful & creative style player. Someone like Cantona, Zidane, that sort. *shrugs* I still love this english team. Glad Man Utd bought Rooney & Smith, its nice to know they always have talented young english players.

The Exorcist
Just watched it just now, plenty of suspense packed in the middle of the film. Basically a God vs Lucifer battle, with humans acting on behalf. Film reminds me of olden times society problems - occult beliefs, superstitions, etc ... Recently read a book about a man connecting with a woman in the 17th century who was hanged because of suspicions of witch practise. Was accused because of a delirious woman exaggerating events. Life must be chaotic for those living in such times. History is a marvel as much as the future is ...

Official first post ^^''

2004-10-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

As the title says ... my first official post ^^''
Nothing really to note down today. Woke up extra early, but missed a squash session, spent few hours in nus, went home & had a delicious home cooked black pepper chicken dinner *slurp* give me that anyday!

Ah .. thought of something! Subject is hell bus drivers. Yes, hell bus drivers from government owned public transport, right here in Singapore, one of the safest cities in the world. God, recently I've been on so many hell bus rides I wonder if SBS retrenched & hired F1 racers! Those crazy drivers can't brake for nuts, before any incoming bus stops or traffic lights I had to cling on to the support as if my life depended on it. In fact my life literally did depended on it I think ~_~ I don't mind a bit at all when drivers speed, but to brake as if they've just seen ghosts float pass in front is definitely a NO NO. God damn drivers x_x

la di da

2004-10-05T02:03:00.000+08:00

test test
test test
test test